Rough Times, Sweet Times and Dating

It has been many years, yet I still remember it vividly.  Standing at the babysitter’s door after work one evening, saying goodbye after collecting my little bundle of joy.  Daughter was probably 10 or 11 months old at the time and sweet as can be.  When I wasn’t at work, my every moment was spent chasing after her (little did I know that once Son arrived on the scene, the old days with Daughter would, by comparison, seem sedate).  True, I was exhausted, but playing with her, loving her, caring for her was such fun!  And though being with that precious blue-eyed, blonde-haired darling was my heart beat, still I looked at Babysitter and her two grade-school-aged children there on her front doorstep and uttered what may have been the most insanely foolish words that have ever escaped from my mouth.  I told her, “I really look forward to Daughter being as old as your kids so life will get easier.”  I actually said those words to another mom – a mom with two children and a third on the way.  Fortunately, Babysitter is a pacifist so she didn’t punch me in the face.  She didn’t even snicker.  Instead she smiled and said in her sweet, gentle way, “Oh, each age has rough times and sweet times.”

I remembered her gracious words throughout the different seasons of family life, which is odd because I can’t remember to move the wet clothes from the washer into the dryer.  The Terrible Twos that everyone approaches with dread were actually a sweet time.  I heard the word “NO” more times than I could count, but still it was a good season.  Sending Daughter off to kindergarten was exciting for her and for me.  I truly loved watching the kids go from baby to big kid.  In an effort to be completely honest, I should mention that sending Son off to kindergarten made me sob like a crazy person.  I had no more babies at home and that was a sad day – a rough time, but still I remembered Babysitter’s words.

Faster than a piece of pie can go from my lips to my hips, the teen years were upon us.  Eye-rolls and exasperated sighs were in abundance.  Some of them even came from the kids.  But the Teen Years Of Horror that we had frequently been warned about never did appear.  There were a handful rough times and loads of sweet times.  I suppose we were lucky to have such good kids.  God must have known that too much teenage-ness would have sent me over the edge.  This may be a good time to apologize to my own mom for my less than stellar teenage-ness.

Through it all I remembered Babysitter’s words.  I looked for, and found, the sweet times at each stage of our lives.  For some reason though, I did not think her sage advise would translate well to The Empty Nest Years.  Now I grant you, we are not yet “officially” Empty Nesters, but Son spends so little time at home, we may as well be welcomed into the Empty Nest Club.

I won’t lie.  There are rough times.  We miss the old day-in-day-out stuff now that we see the kids less frequently.  Sometimes the house is weirdly quiet.  And worrying about an adult child is its own brand of gut-wrenching agony, because you can no longer order that child to time-out in the safety of your own living room when life gets a little too sporty for mama’s comfort.  It’s also fairly ridiculous to make your adult child call you multiple times each day just so you can make sure that child is safe, healthy and doing everything precisely the way mama wants it done.  Like I said…rough times.

Now the good stuff.  The Mister and I have found that empty nesting has its sweet times, too.  That surprised me.  There is a deep and rich satisfaction and joy that comes from seeing your child as an interesting, wise, caring, generous, hard-working adult.  The way your relationship morphs from parent-child to still-parent-child-yet-something-more is a tender and wondrous thing.  Your grocery bill goes way down.  But there is something even more amazing about empty nesting.

We can start dating again!

It’s true.  Did you hear the angels singing when you read that dating part?  Do remember what dating is?  You know how I mentioned all the money empty nesters save on groceries?  Well, we also have extra time by not doing the 4,876 things parents of littles do each day.  That money and time can be used to revive that marvelous pre-baby ritual we used to enjoy regularly.

And you know what else is true?  Dating your spouse at a “somewhat advanced age” is even more exciting than dating was back in the early days.  You each have had time to settle into who you are.  You know and have accepted each other’s likes, dislikes, dreams and bizarreness.  You both have had more experiences in life, which makes you more interesting people (hopefully).  You have matured beyond fast food followed by a cheaply made horror film at the local theater (again hopefully).  You don’t have to speed-eat on dinner dates now, because you don’t have to race home to relieve the teenaged babysitter who empties your refrigerator while charging more per hour than a brain surgeon.  And dating at this time in life keeps things fresh, fun and romantic, which makes this a sweet, sweet time.